Chapter 288 | Chapter 289 | Chapter 290
Chapter 288: Pain
Xia He’s approach, while certainly unviable for this specific situation, provided Gu Qinghuan with a clear direction for her thoughts.
The vibe Yin Xisheng gave her was that she simply lacked love far too much. Since childhood, whether at home or at school, she had never received genuine affection. Even though her parents regretted it now and were desperately trying to make amends, her past history of begging others for affection meant she placed far more trust in outsiders than in her own mother and father.
Xia He’s train of thought was to scatter Ruan Tanyu’s focus so he wouldn’t have the luxury of time to pester Yin Xisheng. Given Ruan Tanyu’s wavering personality, with a little provocation, the probability of him abandoning Yin Xisheng was exceptionally high.
But what about afterward? What if Yin Xisheng continued to pursue Ruan Tanyu? Or what if she ran into the next “Ruan Tanyu”?
If so, this approach would only treat the symptoms rather than the root cause. Of course, given Xia He’s corporate power, he could undoubtedly achieve a state of “permanent symptom management,” driving them away as they came. However, this method wasn’t quite suitable for Class Three; everyone couldn’t possibly waste their time constantly dealing with the exact same issue.
Gu Qinghuan also hoped to enable Yin Xisheng to stand up on her own two feet.
It wasn’t that seeking affection from others was bad, but rather that one couldn’t only seek love from others. A hollow jar with a hole in it will quietly leak no matter how much water is poured inside. Compared to constantly searching for water, it was far more appropriate to patch the hole first.
Having sorted out her line of thought, Gu Qinghuan stopped dwelling on it. Finishing her homework, she contentedly lay down on her bed and drifted off to sleep. Rest up and build energy; tomorrow would be another day to push hard for everyone’s destiny.
In a pitch-black room, a hand suddenly shot out, slapping the switch on the headboard.
The ceiling light flickered on instantly, flooding the room with brightness as the soft illumination seemed to banish every trace of gloom. Yet, the girl who sat up from the bed merely curled into a tight ball, staring blankly at the surface of the quilt. Only after a long silence did she bury her head against her drawn-together knees.
Yin Xisheng had suffered another nightmare.
She dreamed of her childhood, where those boys clapped their hands and ran in circles around her, laughing and jeering that she was an “orphan.” No matter how loud she shrieked and cried, no one came to help her, leaving her with no choice but to run. She tripped and fell, covered in mud from head to toe. As she knelt on the ground weeping, Ruan Tanyu extended his hand toward her.
She happily clasped it. Yet, the moment she was pulled to her feet, Ruan Tanyu’s expression morphed into a sneer, violently throwing her aside once more. He cursed at her, saying she was nothing but a jinx, and that if it weren’t for her, he would never have faced such awful luck.
Watching Ruan Tanyu’s hand lift into the air again, she curled into a ball in sheer terror, only to be pulled up from her left and right by Ning Fu and Xu Xinghe, who dragged her along as they sprinted. She didn’t know how long they ran; when she questioned Ning Fu and Xu Xinghe, neither uttered a word. Fear began to grip her, and she wanted to fling their hands away. Yet, the exact moment she wrenched herself free, her footing slipped, and she plummeted straight into an abyss.
Yin Xisheng jolted awake from the sensation of weightlessness, her heart hammering frantically, her entire body slick with cold sweat.
She maintained this posture in complete silence for a very long time. It wasn’t until a violent shiver racked her body from the chill of her evaporating sweat that she crawled out of bed and headed into the bathroom to turn on the hot water.
The warm stream washed over her skin, granting Yin Xisheng a sensation of coming back to life. She stood beneath the shower head for over half an hour before slowly making a move, simple-washing her body clean, wrapping herself in a bath towel, and stepping out.
The girl in the mirror possessed a pale and striking face, yet it was far too gaunt; the cheekbones were sharp, and the eye sockets were hollowed and dark. She touched the glass surface, forcing the corners of her mouth up, and the reflection followed suit, lifting its lips.
However, the rigid smile failed to offer any cosmetic enhancement; the person in the mirror still looked like a skeleton.
Yin Xisheng abandoned her efforts. She changed into a thicker set of pajamas and lay back down on the bed.
Having just taken a bath, she couldn’t fall asleep immediately. She fished out her phone, intending to pass the time, but caught sight of a new letter sent to her by Xu Xinghe.
Although the two communicated via letters, exchanging physical mail was too tedious, so they usually swapped their letters in person during their weekend meetings. However, when things were urgent, they would scan the completed letter and transmit it to each other, just like now.
Yin Xisheng grew hesitant. In her previous letter, she had mentioned that Ruan Tanyu wanted to reconcile with her. For Xu Xinghe to send a reply this frantically, he most likely strongly disapproved, didn’t he?
Her finger hovered over the screen for a moment before she ultimately tapped it open.
To Yin Xisheng:
Reading this letter is like meeting in person. May opening this bring a smile to your face.
Xu Xinghe’s elegant handwriting, paired with such opening content, truly possessed the power to make anyone reading it relax involuntarily.
Yin Xisheng’s expression softened. Whenever Xu Xinghe was anxious, his downstrokes, hooks, and sharp turns would become noticeably sharper. Yet right now, the characters of his opening greeting remained upright, gentle, and balanced.
Xu Xinghe didn’t scold her. Instead, he related that upon receiving her previous letter, he had been so frantic to reply that he slacked off during class to write it, only to be caught red-handed by the teacher.
Yin Xisheng couldn’t help but shrink her neck, a twinge of guilt flaring in her heart. She actually knew better than to turn back; Ning Fu had already given her a fierce scolding about it previously. Yet, looking at the messages Ruan Tanyu sent, she couldn’t help but feel that the fault didn’t lie with him, and that she had been far too stubborn back then.
Yin Xisheng absentmindedly scrolled down a page, her attention instantly arrested by the contents of the letter. Her eyes widened, her heart completely flooded with absolute disbelief.
Xu Xinghe slacked off, and the entire class swarmed around him to urge him to apologize to the teacher? They even felt he had run into trouble and wanted to help him resolve his issues?
To Yin Xisheng, this sounded like an absolute fairy tale. How could anyone care about a classmate to such an extreme extent? Not to mention, it wasn’t just one or two people, but the entire class.
I’m so envious.
The thought blossomed uncontrollably in Yin Xisheng’s mind. She wanted classmates like that too; if she could live in an environment like that class, she would surely be incredibly happy, wouldn’t she?
She stared at those few paragraphs, reading them over and over until she practically memorized the text before begrudgingly scrolling down. However, she quickly realized she ought to have scrolled down sooner.
Xu Xinghe wrote that his classmates had learned of her situation, and quite a few of them had decided to lend her a hand, asking if she was willing to interact with everyone.
Is this real? She had only just fantasized about whether she could ever possess such friendly classmates, and now that fantasy was on the verge of coming true?
Yin Xisheng simply couldn’t believe her eyes; the wishes she made every year on her birthday had never once been fulfilled.
Is this real? Yin Xisheng couldn’t resist reaching up to pinch her cheek. Because there was barely any flesh on her face, she didn’t catch it on her first try, but after switching to using her fingernail, the pain became sharp and clear.
It hurt; it was real.
Although compared to the pain of being beaten by Ruan Tanyu back then, it was practically negligible, it was still enough to make Yin Xisheng realize this was reality.
At this thought, she fell into a brief daze.
When she was being beaten by Ruan Tanyu, she had felt immense pain, yet she had desperately wanted to convince herself that reality was a lie. But now, she had to rely on pain to verify that reality was real.
How fascinating, Yin Xisheng thought, tracing the text that brought her such warmth through the phone screen.
If it was this kind of pain, no matter how much of it came her way, she would view it as pure happiness.
Chapter 289: Can’t Wait
It was Yu Xin’s suggestion for Xu Xinghe to proactively state in his letter that everyone wanted to help Yin Xisheng.
“I feel that Yin Xisheng’s current mental state is far worse than mine was back then. We need to let her know explicitly that there are people who want to help her,” Yu Xin had said.
As for Yin Xisheng’s response, everyone was actually fully prepared to wait. According to Xu Xinghe, he and Yin Xisheng only exchanged about two or three letters a week on average. Going by this frequency, and taking into account the time it would take for Yin Xisheng to consider it, Team One had planned to use this window of time to look further into Ruan Tanyu.
As a result, the very next morning after Xu Xinghe’s letter was sent, he walked in with an expression that looked as if he were questioning his entire existence, stating rather reluctantly, “She replied.”
The marmots of Class Three: “Huh? She replied that fast?”
Qin Yue craned his neck, trying to peek at Xu Xinghe’s phone. “What did she say?”
Xu Xinghe briefly summarized the contents: “She said she wants to meet everyone too, and she’s willing to interact with us.”
Gu Qinghuan raised an eyebrow. “Looking at it this way, she’s much more proactive than we imagined.”
Even though Jiang Chuchu was the captain of Team Two, upon learning of Yin Xisheng’s choice, she couldn’t help but nod slightly. “Not bad. It seems she hasn’t completely lost her mind to love-brain yet.”
Yu Xin let out an even bigger sigh of relief, stating brightly, “Since that’s the case, let’s meet up with her. It will also allow us to grasp her actual condition properly.”
The eight members of Team One discussed it and felt that for a first meeting, it would be best not to bring too many people along. Furthermore, since Yin Xisheng feared the opposite sex, it would be best if there weren’t many boys present. The final staffing configuration they agreed upon was: Xu Xinghe, Yu Xin, Zhan Chuchen, and Gu Qinghuan.
Although Gu Qinghuan didn’t belong to any specific team, she definitely had to step up at a time like this. She had no objections anyway, because according to the results of their discussion, Team One intended to invite Yin Xisheng to hang out at the city zoo.
Gu Qinghuan used to go to the zoo frequently, but after entering high school, she had been far too busy with various matters and hadn’t gone in a very long time. Taking advantage of this opportunity, she could also go visit the animals she hadn’t seen in a while.
Since the discussion was complete, Team One urged Xu Xinghe to write a letter to invite Yin Xisheng. As a result, he clutched his pen, unable to produce a single character for a long time.
“What’s wrong with you?” Qin Yue was utterly bewildered. Could a mere invitation letter actually stump Xu Xinghe?
Xu Xinghe’s gaze darted around shiftily. “Um, I was just thinking, does this count as… a date?”
The marmots: You’re the one who’s a true love-brain here!
Jiang Chuchu ruthlessly dealt Xu Xinghe a verbal blow: “Does she even view you as a romantic interest? Don’t flatter yourself.”
Xu Xinghe was instantly struck down and obediently began writing the invitation.
Once the invitation was finished, Lian Fenghe thought for a moment, plucked a cornflower from the vase on the podium, and placed it next to the letter paper before letting Xu Xinghe take a photo.
Ai Ning asked out of curiosity, “Are you putting a flower there for decoration?”
“It also carries a meaning of blessing. The language of cornflowers includes ‘encountering happiness,'” Lian Fenghe said. “Even though I’m in Team Two, Xu Xinghe looks like he truly likes her, so consider this an assist.”
Xu Xinghe’s hand trembled, and the photo came out blurry. He glared at Lian Fenghe with flushed cheeks, but still adjusted the position of the cornflower, wanting to take a more aesthetically pleasing photo.
Unable to watch any longer, Shi Guanghui snatched the phone over. “Let me.”
When a professional stepped in, the results were naturally top-tier. Xu Xinghe happily sent the highly artistic photo to Yin Xisheng.
Yao Shali crossed her arms and shook her head. “We really have to keep tabs on him, otherwise he’ll turn into a total love-brain the moment we look away.”
The members of Team Two profoundly agreed.
This time, Yin Xisheng didn’t reply immediately. Fortunately, with Team Two keeping watch, Xu Xinghe didn’t end up completely absentminded and managed to finish his classes properly.
It wasn’t until the final break before school let out that Xu Xinghe jumped up clutching his phone, saying Yin Xisheng had replied, and he forwarded the photo to the class group chat.
Qin Yue immediately called out to Lian Fenghe, “What kind of flower is this? What’s its language?”
“A yellow iris. It’s generally given to friends, meaning ‘thank you for being my friend, I hope our friendship lasts forever’—pretty much something like that,” Lian Fenghe said.
Everyone turned their gazes toward Xu Xinghe. The latter was visibly struck down by the words “friend” and “friendship,” but he still maintained a brave front, saying, “Isn’t that pretty good anyway! She already considers me a friend!”
The marmots: As long as you’re happy.
Aside from the yellow iris, Yin Xisheng had also written a very earnest reply, thanking Xu Xinghe for the invitation. She indicated that she would arrive at the zoo entrance at the specified time on the invitation to meet up with everyone.
Yu Xin was also very satisfied. “This way, up until Saturday, she probably won’t have the peace of mind to care about Ruan Tanyu anymore.”
With Yin Xisheng acting this proactively, she should be looking forward to the outing immensely and would definitely be preparing for it over the next few days. In short, as long as they kept Yin Xisheng busy and kept her mind completely occupied, Ruan Tanyu would likely have no way to capitalize on her vulnerability.
In reality, the efficacy of this plan was far better than what Yu Xin and the others had anticipated.
Upon receiving the invitation, Yin Xisheng was thoroughly surprised and delighted, even bouncing around her room holding a pillow several times. Since her grandmother passed away, how long had it been since she received an invitation from someone else?
Actually, back in elementary school, friends had invited her to play at their houses, but afterward… What happened afterward? Yin Xisheng couldn’t quite remember.
Was it because she was bullied and grew afraid of social contact, so she stopped interacting with her friends? Or was it because her mother had the teacher pay excessive attention to her, and the other kids didn’t want to be targeted by the teacher, so they distanced themselves from her? She really couldn’t remember clearly.
As for the reason she didn’t have friends in junior high, Yin Xisheng did still remember. At first, it was because she didn’t dare to make contact with people and failed to establish proper connections. Later on, her entire heart was tied to Ruan Tanyu, so she naturally paid even less attention to anyone else.
As these memories resurfaced, Yin Xisheng also fell into a state of bewilderment. She truly did like Ruan Tanyu; even now, she didn’t believe she felt absolutely nothing toward him.
Only, why… did she feel a twinge of regret right now?
A notification tone from her phone interrupted Yin Xisheng’s train of thought. She picked up the device and saw a message from Ruan Tanyu.
Ruan Tanyu: [I saw the rain lilies you like in the grass by the roadside today.]
In the photo, the pure white rain lilies were thriving robustly.
Yin Xisheng truly did like rain lilies very much; their characteristic of bursting into bloom after a rainfall made her feel they were exceptionally resilient. However, she immediately thought of the cornflower in the photo from earlier, as well as the yellow iris she had specifically sought out to send in response.
She still liked rain lilies very much, but right now, she had other flowers she preferred even more.
Yin Xisheng pressed her lips tight, resolutely exiting the chat interface with Ruan Tanyu. She had so many things to do and had no time to reply to him.
She needed to check the weather forecast and decide what clothes to wear based on Saturday’s weather. She also had to look up the transportation route to the zoo, estimating the time spent on the road to ensure she wouldn’t be late.
Who else would be there besides Xu Xinghe? Although she was terrified of strangers, Xu Xinghe’s classmates were so friendly, so she could look forward to it, right?
During the days she usually spent at home, Yin Xisheng always felt time passed very quickly. In the blink of an eye, the sky would turn dark, and she would have accomplished nothing, wasting time for naught. If she didn’t generate some sort of background noise, she would even suspect she was living in a vacuum.
But right now, she felt time was passing so incredibly slowly. When on earth would it finally be Saturday?
She had never been this unable to wait.
Chapter 290: Pain and Happiness
The sky was clear, and a gentle breeze blew pleasantly.
Today was a perfect day for an outing.
However, Gu Qinghuan had stayed up a bit late writing her homework last night, making it rather difficult to drag herself out of bed this morning.
Seeing her get up, Xiao Si sprinted over and used her jeans as a scratching post, righteously demanding food.
Gu Qinghuan squatted down, scooped Xiao Si up, and locked eyes with the cat. “Xiao Si, I am your pooper-scooper, right?”
Xiao Si flicked its tail. What is this human rambling about now?
Gu Qinghuan wore a solemn expression. “I’m going out to see other animals today. You have to let them know that I’m under your protection, right?”
Xiao Si stared at Gu Qinghuan. Why hasn’t she given me my freeze-dried treats yet?
No answer meant silent consent. Gu Qinghuan decisively buried her face in Xiao Si’s belly for a good rub.
Xiao Si resisted by planting its front paws on Gu Qinghuan’s face twice, but eventually, lacking the strength to fight back, it chose to give up.
Having huffed enough cat, Gu Qinghuan felt thoroughly refreshed. She used a lint roller to clean the cat hair off her clothes, ate her breakfast, and set off. Of course, as a reward for the cat-huffing, she gave Xiao Si a few freeze-dried treats.
Perhaps because the weather was so nice, there were quite a lot of people heading out today.
The zoo was quite far from her house, so Gu Qinghuan opted for the subway. After a clattering ride with the wind roaring past the entire way, her head was still buzzing slightly when she stepped off the train.
The agreed-upon time was 8:30 AM, and Gu Qinghuan arrived fifteen minutes early.
She was just looking around to see if there were any drink shops open nearby to buy something to drink when she lifted her eyes and was immediately drawn to a girl wearing a baseball cap and a face mask.
In terms of outfit, she wasn’t particularly flashy, but she exuded a distinct aura. Standing there, she looked like a still-life painting, causing the world around her to quiet down along with her.
Gu Qinghuan walked toward the girl. Noting her approach, the girl instinctively pointed at her own mouth and waved her hands.
Alright, it was basically guaranteed now.
Gu Qinghuan came to a halt in front of the girl. “Hello, are you Yin Xisheng?”
Yin Xisheng caught her breath and flusteredly nodded her head.
Gu Qinghuan flashed a radiant smile. “I’m Gu Qinghuan, the class monitor of Class Three, where Xu Xinghe is. Let’s have fun together today!”
[Trouble-Making Squad Subdivision One]
Zhan Chuchen: [Someone’s world has completely collapsed.]
Qin Yue: [Elaborate.]
Zhan Chuchen: [Yin Xisheng is sticking to the Class Monitor like glue.]
Ming Xiaolan: [I’m not surprised in the slightest.]
Qin Yue: [Hahahahaha!]
Xu Xinghe had originally assumed the notifications in the group chat were just people curious about their progress. When he fished out his phone and took a look, his nose practically went crooked with irritation.
He shoved his phone back into his pocket, grumbling internally: I don’t think my world collapsed at all!
He had actually left the house quite early, but he ran into traffic on the road, arriving only ten minutes ahead of schedule.
As a result, by the time he arrived, Yin Xisheng was already “chatting” very happily with Gu Qinghuan.
Yin Xisheng didn’t even need to pull out her phone to type. Although Gu Qinghuan didn’t know sign language, she was great at guessing, and her guesses were incredibly accurate.
When introducing a topic, Gu Qinghuan would usually pre-set the potential answers. That way, Yin Xisheng only needed to select one option to easily express her point of view.
Though some people weren’t accustomed to this method of conversation, finding it uncomfortable to have their thoughts read so easily, for Yin Xisheng, who faced obstacles in communicating, having someone pay such close attention to her and understand her so well felt absolutely wonderful.
Past the entrance, two pathways led to different exhibition halls. Everyone stood in front of the guide map to discuss which way to go. Whichever spot Yin Xisheng’s gaze lingered on for a moment longer, Gu Qinghuan, acting as a frequent visitor, would immediately follow up with a detailed commentary.
Yin Xisheng’s cheeks flushed red, filled with excitement and delight.
Even though she couldn’t speak, the other four did not ignore her input. Every time, they would wait for her to express her opinion before discussing a suitable resolution. Nor did they blindly indulge her; even if being turned down made Yin Xisheng feel a bit awkward at first, she didn’t get upset once a proper compromise was reached. This was because she realized she could also reject other people’s requests—especially when she proposed a middle ground, and the others agreed after giving it some thought, it gave her a profound sense of achievement.
Throughout the entire morning, she felt as though she were walking on clouds, her mood floating lightly. The sunlight felt warm on her skin, and her heart felt incredibly cozy.
At noon, they looked for a restaurant inside the park to have lunch. Because it was heavily crowded, they simply packed their food to go and sat on the outdoor grass to eat.
Yin Xisheng naturally didn’t have a large appetite, but she couldn’t resist having Gu Qinghuan right beside her, enthusiastically recommending all the delicious treats. It wasn’t just her; everyone ended up stuffing themselves. After finishing their meal, they lay down on the grass one by one, feeling thoroughly drowsy.
With Gu Qinghuan lying on her left and Zhan Chuchen on her right, Yin Xisheng stared up at the cerulean sky, feeling like she hadn’t been this relaxed in a very long time.
She fished out her phone and typed a long paragraph. Too embarrassed to play it out loud, she directly handed it to Gu Qinghuan to read.
[I’m so happy. It’s truly wonderful to be able to come out and play with you guys.]
[Actually, when Xu Xinghe told me you wanted to help me, I thought I was dreaming and even pinched myself.]
[Did Xu Xinghe tell you about my past? It’s actually not that big of a deal, but I just find it so fascinating.]
[In the past, whenever I felt pain, I would wish reality was a lie. But this time, I feel like pain is a good thing instead.]
[Because that way, I know it’s real. I’ve met such wonderful people; I’m not dreaming.]
[If it’s this kind of pain, I can endure it no matter how much there is. Just thinking about it makes me really happy.]
Gu Qinghuan froze for a moment. Then, she sat up abruptly and shook her head at Yin Xisheng. “No, there’s something wrong with that mindset of yours.”
Yin Xisheng slowly sat up as well, looking at her with a somewhat bewildered expression.
“Xu Xinghe and Ning Fu have both told me about your past. By the way, I know Ning Fu. After she found out about Xu Xinghe, she even approached me to ask about him,” Gu Qinghuan said.
“First of all, you shouldn’t think your past isn’t a big deal. It matters immensely; it’s precisely the past version of you that forged the person you are today.”
“The past you went through so much suffering without giving up on life. You worked incredibly hard, and you are truly amazing.”
“Secondly, pain is not a good thing. No matter what kind of outcome it brings, pain is pain; you shouldn’t try to romanticize it.”
“What you should be proud of is the harvest achieved after enduring the suffering, not the suffering itself. And being able to achieve that harvest is entirely thanks to your own perseverance.”
“So, don’t link happiness with pain, and don’t feel glad because of pain.”
Gu Qinghuan looked earnestly into her eyes. “Be glad for your own sake. You deserve it.”
Yin Xisheng stared blankly at Gu Qinghuan, only snapping out of it when Gu Qinghuan placed the phone back into her hands.
She felt a sudden urge to cry, but her throat was choked tight by some invisible force.
Halfway through Gu Qinghuan’s words, Xu Xinghe had already nervously shuffled over, clutching a pack of tissues and remaining ready to hand them out at any moment.
Zhan Chuchen, meanwhile, capitalized on her tall build to turn her back to Yin Xisheng, shielding her completely behind her. This way, even if Yin Xisheng cried, no one else would see her.
Yu Xin let out a long breath. For Yin Xisheng, properly digesting Gu Qinghuan’s words would undoubtedly take some time.
However, it should lead to a good outcome, right?
