Chapter 24: Woke Up Wrong, Even My Chrysanthemum Wants to Puke
One hour earlier.
The sky was just beginning to lighten.
Chi Fengxiao climbed down from his hammock, rubbing his hair—only to find his hand wet.
“Did it rain last night?” he muttered in confusion. Just then, he felt droplets hit his head.
Looking up—
A python’s head, looking as sleazy as some perverted old man, was looming right above him, jaws wide open and drool spilling down.
“Holy crap!!! Snake—run!!!”
His scream jolted everyone awake. He leapt down and dashed toward Chi Qian’s hammock, scooping her into his arms and bolting.
The others, catching a glimpse of the massive snake, nearly had heart attacks and fled with shrieks.
Despite carrying Chi Qian, Chi Fengxiao ran with incredible speed. His long legs moved like the wind; after ten minutes of sprinting, he was only slightly winded.
Looking down, he found Chi Qian still fast asleep in his arms, peaceful as ever, eyelids not even twitching.
Sometimes, he really admired her ability to sleep through literally anything, no matter who else was dying.
If they weren’t in the middle of running for their lives, he would’ve praised her as steady as Mount Tai.
Screams echoed behind them, but luckily no one had fallen behind yet.
“Uncle, run that way.” Chi Qian, now awake, pointed in a direction from the cradle of his arms.
“You finally woke up,” Chi Fengxiao gritted out, turning as she said. “I’ve carried you for eight hundred li already!”
Chi Qian yawned. “The hammock was too small; I didn’t sleep well last night. What’s wrong with using Uncle’s arms as a bed for a while?”
Chi Fengxiao: “You’re just using me as a free mattress!”
“Roooarrr—!” A bear’s roar suddenly echoed through the forest.
They turned back to see the black bear from the night before locked in battle with the python, as though buying them time to escape.
By the time they stumbled out of the forest and onto open ground, they had finally shaken off the snake.
“Where are we?”
“No idea. I was too busy running.”
Exhausted from their near-death sprint, they collapsed onto the ground.
Chi Fengxiao’s face was pale from carrying Chi Qian the whole way.
Chi Qian climbed down, fished out a lollipop, and shoved it into his mouth. “Here, suck on this.”
Chi Fengxiao blinked in surprise. “You… didn’t eat it yourself?”
“Mhm. Grandpa said you have low blood sugar.”
The sweetness filled his mouth, almost unbearably so. So she’d kept it just for him?
Most people only saw Chi Qian’s reckless, spoiled side. But if you weren’t someone she truly cared for, you’d never notice the subtle thoughtfulness she hid beneath.
Such a good niece…
“Uncle, you feeling better now? Good. Then get to work.” Chi Qian popped his fantasy like a soap bubble.
Chi Fengxiao: “…So this lollipop was just an advance payment?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“The python’s got a sharp nose. It’ll definitely come after us again.”
Everyone’s face went green.
“And,” Chi Qian added, “that big worm probably already ate humans.”
How did she know?
Because she couldn’t communicate with animals that had eaten people.
Such beasts deserved to die without pity.
“Is that a volcano up ahead?” Gu Hua suddenly asked.
“I smell rotten eggs,” Qin Yue wrinkled his nose.
Ling Qian: “Let’s head that way. No way the snake follows us onto a volcano.”
The Shen father and son instinctively looked at Chi Qian. “Qian Qian, what do you think?”
Chi Qian waved. “Running’s useless. Best way is to hand-grind some gunpowder, blast the thing, and be done with it.”
Ling Qian sneered. “You think you can just blow it up? You even know how to make gunpowder? Careful you don’t get yourself killed trying to act tough.”
Chi Qian: “Funny, I haven’t even started and you already ‘know’ I can’t. If I actually make it, are you gonna kneel, knock your head on the ground, and call me Daddy?”
Gu Hua jumped in quickly, “Qian Qian, Brother Qian only cares about you.”
“Got a mouth to waste? Go lick a toilet instead of yapping here.”
Ling Qian turned purple with rage, yanked Gu Hua away, and stormed off. “Fine, let her go die!”
Qin Yue and Qin An, also at odds with Chi Qian, left too.
Once the nuisances were gone, Chi Qian clapped her hands. “That volcano’s full of saltpeter and sulfur. We just need charcoal and… well, those are the key ingredients.”
“You guys gather the materials. I’ll handle the making.”
She even knew the high-yield formula—but saying it out loud might get the livestream banned.
Chi Fengxiao gaped. “You’re seriously hand-making gunpowder?”
He thought she was joking.
Chi Qian nodded earnestly. “Hand-to-hand combat’s too much work. Explosives are faster. Blow the bug up…”
“…and then we can look for the safehouse,” Shen Jing cut in.
Chi Qian: “Nope. Then we can eat breakfast. I’m starving.”
Chi Fengxiao: “…That’s so you.”
Just as she predicted, the python followed their scent trail and slithered after them.
Its body was shredded with bear claw marks, tail torn and bloody, but that only made it more desperate to hunt them down.
Chi Fengxiao baited it, and the python lunged straight into their trap.
The moment it dropped into the pit, Shen Jing lit the fuse.
The flame sizzled down into the gunpowder at the bottom.
With a deafening BOOM, the python’s head was blown into a daze!
“Bang!”
“Bang, bang!”
Ear-splitting explosions echoed from inside the pit, shaking the ground beneath their feet.
By the time Chi Qian felt it should be safe to check, she stepped out and saw the giant python inside the pit, charred black from the repeated blasts.
The terrifying part was—it was still moving, its bloody maw opening and writhing.
Seizing the moment, Chi Qian hurled the sharpened bamboo spear in her hand!
“Ssshhk—”
The bamboo spear pierced straight through the snake’s head, pinning it to the ground.
This time it was truly dead. What lingered in the air, however, was a faintly roasted, meaty aroma.
Chi Qian sniffed the air. “Come to think of it… is python meat tasty?”
Shen Jing and his son shuddered. Even if that thing was dead, there was no way they’d ever want to eat it!
Chi Fengxiao instantly clamped a hand over her mouth. “No! Absolutely not! Uncle forbids you from eating something like that!”
[That was way too satisfying! The python was as thick as a tree trunk, bigger than the four of them combined, yet teamwork actually brought it down!]
[It was all thanks to Qian Qian’s planning—baiting the snake, setting the trap, calculating the gunpowder’s blast. If even one step went wrong, it would’ve been game over.]
[Chi Qian, are you a devil?? The poor snake is already blasted into a crisp, all charred and crunchy, and you still want to eat it?? So cruel!]
[Ngl tho… roasted python might taste better than a five-star barbecue.]
[Film Emperor Chi, don’t stop her! Let her eat! Only after suffering the consequences will she learn her lesson!]
Chi Fengxiao wasted no time dragging Chi Qian away, terrified she’d really jump into the pit to take a bite.
And honestly—she might.
*
At the foot of the volcano, they discovered a hot spring.
Unfortunately, the temperature was so high that anyone jumping in would be cooked medium rare in an instant.
They used the water to quickly prepare a “battle breakfast,” then rested in place.
Chi Qian sat cross-legged on a rock, using Shen Jing’s knife to whittle and shape pieces of wood, looking like she was just playing with building blocks.
Once they’d recovered, they began climbing the volcano.
Since the safehouse was too well hidden, looking from above might reveal a clue.
But halfway up the slope, Chi Qian suddenly stopped. “Don’t go any further.”
“What is it?”
“The volcano’s about to erupt.”
Shen Jing was stunned. “Impossible. This volcano is classified as dormant—it hasn’t erupted in years. It shouldn’t—”
Before he could finish, the ground beneath them trembled ominously.
Chi Fengxiao made a split-second decision: “Run!”
From further above came the terrified screams of Gu Hua’s group.
They had foolishly climbed all the way to the crater, streaming the “majestic, dangerous beauty of nature” for their audience.
And then—
The volcano: Oops, got up too fast… suddenly my stomach feels queasy.
