Chapter 91: How Well-Done Do You Want Your Parents?
Chi Qian climbed onto the stone platform of the fountain, sat cross-legged, and declared: “Line up, one by one. What wishes do you want to ask this immortal to grant?”
The crowd hesitated, some stepping back.
“Is this reliable?”
“I heard from a friend that Chi Qian is the Queen of the Forest. She might really have some powers.”
“Your info’s wrong—she’s clearly a Sea Witch!”
“Whatever she is, let’s test it first!”
Someone tossed a coin into the fountain. “Excuse me, what should I call you?”
Chi Qian, expression unwavering: “Call me Dorodosa-Liblilib-Great Turtle Immortal.”
“…Uh, Doro… what?”
She repeated it.
“…Right, Doro-something Immortal?”
“Step back. If you can’t even remember such a simple name, you are unworthy of the Great Turtle Immortal.”
The man slunk away in shame.
Next came Shen Jiashu, loudly chanting: “Dorodosa-Liblilib-Princess Your Highness!”
Chi Qian corrected him. “It’s Turtle Immortal.”
“Yes, Princess Your Highness! My wish is that my dad gives back all the red envelopes he confiscated during New Year—and also that he never finds out the water I poured for him last night came from the toilet!”
Chi Qian counted on her fingers. “Mm. Your wish shall come true.”
Shen Jiashu was just about to cheer—when a cold voice spoke from behind him. “Is that so?”
Shen Jiashu turned his head.
ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ
At the fountain’s edge came the unmistakable sound of palm smacks on buttocks.
“AAAHHHH!!” Shen Jiashu wailed in agony.
His lost red envelopes had indeed returned to him—just in another form.
Tell him it wasn’t effective? Of course it was!
The people in line shivered. Was this… really legit?
Chi Qian: “Next.”
A little girl stepped forward, full of hope, not knowing what awaited. “Turtle Immortal, I don’t want to learn piano anymore. Can you make the piano at my house disappear?”
“I can do better,” Chi Qian said solemnly.
“I can make both your piano and your parents who force you to practice disappear. Do you want that?”
The little girl’s eyes lit up. “Yes, yes, yes! Please help me, Immortal! I’ll give you all my New Year money!”
“Alright. Dial the police now.”
“…Huh?”
“Your parents are at home. A few criminals tied them up, poured gasoline, and plan to destroy the evidence. If you don’t hurry…” Chi Qian smiled kindly.
“Tell me—how well-done do you want your parents?”
The girl’s face turned pale in terror.
Her aunt quickly called home to check, just in case.
No one answered the landline. No one answered their mobiles either.
It looked like something really had happened.
“Miss Chi, thank you for the warning. We’ll come thank you another day!” The aunt dragged the girl away in a rush.
The rest of the line looked at each other.
The very next second, they all rushed forward. “Turtle Immortal! I want to make a wish!!”
“No cutting in line! Whoever cuts will wet the bed tonight. Get back!”
“But I was born in the Year of the Turtle—I’m destined with the Turtle Immortal. Let me first!”
Chi Qian calmly stroked her turtle shell. “No rush, no rush. One at a time. Priority to those who pay.”
*
Soon, news spread that the Chi family had a wishing fountain—inside which lived a Turtle Immortal.
By the time the gossip reached the Gu family, the story had morphed into countless versions.
“Have you heard? The Chi family has a magical turtle—feed it coins and your wishes come true!”
“No, no, you’ve got it wrong. The turtle cultivated into a human. To repay the Chi family’s kindness, it helps grant wishes!”
“Nonsense—it’s actually a Turtle Immortal who descended to earth and just happened to land in the Chi family fountain. He fell in love at first sight with their little miss, so he shaved off his immortal bones to stay by her side forever!”
“You’re all wrong. Chi Qian is the Turtle Immortal’s reincarnation…”
Gu Hua listened with a blank face.
Chi Qian, again? Wasn’t she ever going to stop?
Having a “script” in a livestream was one thing. But she was carrying this persona into real life?
Wasn’t she afraid of choking on her own lies?
Ling Qian walked over. “Hua, Uncle is calling you up to give a speech. Why are you daydreaming here?”
“I’m fine.” Gu Hua forced a smile. “They say Chi Qian’s birthday banquet is so lively… But back when I was at the Chi house, they never remembered my birthday at all.”
Ling Qian’s eyes filled with pity. “That just shows how heartless the Chi family is! You lived so well in the Gu family, yet they treated you that way. If only I had met you earlier—I’d never have let you suffer like that.”
System: “Ling Qian’s favorability is at 90%. Congratulations, host. You have gained a draw chance. You may choose one target to randomly extract the thing they have the most of.”
Gu Hua’s heart leapt with joy. Success. As expected, winning over Brother Qian was the easiest.
“System, I choose Chi Qian.”
“Please confirm the target: Chi Qian.”
“Confirmed.” After confirming in her heart, Gu Hua lifted her dress with a confident smile and walked gracefully onto the stage to give her speech.
She was eagerly anticipating what she would receive from Chi Qian.
Would it be the Chi family’s affection? Or perhaps… endless wealth?
Gu Hua walked elegantly to the microphone, ready to begin.
“Pffft… pff-pff-pff-pff-pff…”
A string of machine-gun-like fart sounds blasted through the microphone, echoing in every corner of the banquet hall.
How clear were they?
Clear enough to be considered a surround-sound fart symphony.
The guests below tried desperately to hold back their laughter.
“So this is Gu Hua’s speech? Quite… unique.”
“Hahaha, how many sweet potatoes did she eat to let out such powerful farts?”
Gu Hua’s face turned green. She hadn’t eaten much today, how could this be…
It was Chi Qian?!
Was she insane?! The thing she had the most of right now… was a string of farts?!
Gu Hua clenched her stomach with all her might, trying to hold it in, but she couldn’t stop it—
“Ppppbbbbb—”
A long, winding, thunderous fart erupted.
The audience below finally burst into uncontrollable laughter.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Gu Hua, humiliated and furious, covered her face and ran off the stage.
Meanwhile, at the Chi family estate—
The “Turtle Immortal” of the wishing pool adjusted her behavior depending on the customer.
When children came, she answered all questions sincerely.
When adults came, she slacked off and ignored them.
A blatant double standard.
After sending off the tenth child, Chi Qian suddenly felt her stomach twist uncomfortably.
But after a few seconds, the discomfort vanished.
Strange.
When it was time to cut the cake, Chi Lisen sent Butler Nan to fetch her.
After the birthday song and blowing out the candles, Chi Qian was just about to cut the cake when—
The sound of helicopter blades roared above, wind sweeping across the lawn.
A helicopter slowly descended onto the grass, and a man in black combat gear jumped down, holding a huge box.
The man walked up to Chi Lisen with great respect.
“Mr. Chi, our boss couldn’t come due to urgent matters, so he sent me instead to deliver a birthday gift to his newly-turned fifty-year-old nephew.”
Chi Fengxiao: “?”
Chi Muze: “…”
Chi Chaoshen: “6.”
Chi Lisen narrowed his eyes. “And since when does he have a fifty-year-old nephew?”
“Uh… isn’t today your grandson’s fiftieth birthday?” The man scratched his head.
