Chapter 75: Can’t You Just Not Eat It?
“You motherf***er!!!”
A sudden roar echoed through the forest, making Huai Yu’s grip on the tree loosen in fright—whoosh!—she slipped and fell down.
Wait… there are people on the mountain?
Are they explorers? Or defense troops?
She crouched down warily, eyes locked on the direction the voice came from.
But after a while, there was no follow-up—just the sound of the bamboo forest rustling, its leaves swaying in the wind as it struggled to stay rooted in the soil.
…?
Huai Yu curiously peeked out.
Then, she heard an annoyed and exasperated sigh:
“Damn it! Back when I took root, none of you said a word. And now you gang up on me to drive me out? Pfft, this mountain yours or something?”
At that, the entire slope of trees rustled in unison.
Huai Yu stared blankly at the bamboo grove, a bold and absurd thought suddenly forming—
Wait, was that voice… a person or the bamboo?
Before she could confirm, another voice came from the bamboo grove:
“Hey, you human girl over there—come here.”
Huai Yu flinched, immediately scooped up her multipurpose shovel and hugged it to her chest, then stubbornly said,
“No way!”
“……”
A brief silence followed. Then the trees rustled more wildly—like they were laughing uproariously.
Meanwhile, the bamboo leaves that had been rustling just moments ago now stood completely still in the wind, the awkward tension palpable from a distance.
Huai Yu felt awkward too.
But seriously—this bamboo grove was mutated and talking now, and just earlier it made the earth shake like an earthquake. No way she’d walk over there. What if a root jabbed itself into her? She wouldn’t even be enough to feed the whole grove.
Still… this was her first time witnessing a fight between mutated plants. No wonder people talked about the wilderness like it was some kind of monster den… it really was that scary.
Maybe one or two rogue plants could be handled by the defense troops, but if the whole forest went berserk…
There’d be no choice but to burn it all down?
But now even the air carried pollutant levels, and plants were one of the key filters of that pollution. Burn a mountain today, burn another tomorrow… and by next week, people might need to carry oxygen tanks just to go outside.
She frowned and stayed alert, eyes on the front.
Then, in a blink—whoosh!—a sharp sound shot toward her, slamming hard into the tree next to her with a thunk!
This time, the bamboo leaf left only a short stalk behind.
Only now did Huai Yu realize—that leaf landed less than 5 centimeters from her hand!
From the bamboo grove came a smug, taunting sound:
“Chik-chik-chik!”
Huai Yu: …
No need to think anymore. She instantly picked up her shovel and started half-running, half-limping toward the grove.
After covering a bit of distance and catching her breath, she finally stood before it.
“You just say the word!”
She was full of grief.
She’d finally managed to act tough earlier today when the rose corridor—normally a place she had to bow to—was weirdly silent and guilt-ridden after her house got destroyed. She’d felt proud for once!
That confidence hadn’t even lasted half a day.
And now up the mountain, here was this Lord Bamboo…
Seriously, why not just stick to eating plants? Why chase after meat? Now look—she didn’t even know who’s gonna end up eating who!
“Tsk, you’re just a human… what’re you so nervous about? If I wanted your life, would I even bother talking?”
“Yes, yes.” Huai Yu nodded quickly, excellent at going with the flow. “Got any commands for me, big brother?”
The bamboo grove went silent again. After a moment, the leaves rustled and shook:
“Why is your tone more flavored than my bamboo core tea?”
Huai Yu: …Are you calling me tea?
“Alright, monster uncle. What do you want me to do?”
If he was nitpicking her tone, then maybe he wasn’t planning to kill her after all.
The bamboo grove swayed a little:
“Carry me down the mountain and replant me somewhere.”
Huai Yu’s eyes widened: “Me?!”
Are you kidding? This grove, though not huge, still covered at least an acre!
Me, carry it?
The bamboo grove hmphed, clearly unimpressed with her:
“Your education level’s not very high, huh… sigh… Nothing like my previous owner.”
As he spoke, the entire grove’s roots suddenly crack-crack broke apart. In the end, only a single thick stalk in the middle remained, with a moderately sized root clump.
The voice now came only from that stalk:
“See? I told you you lacked culture. We bamboos aren’t like trees—we’re a proud part of the grass family!”
“All of that was me. But since you look weak, just carry this part of me.”
Huai Yu was speechless, but to her surprise, this bamboo—though rude—didn’t seem too bad.
So she spoke gently:
“Yes yes yes, I didn’t study much… But since I’ll be doing hard labor, can I at least get a bit of compensation from those bamboo stalks you dropped?”
The leaves rustled again, seemingly annoyed, so she quickly added:
“Um… Uncle Bamboo, I didn’t get your name yet?”
That hit the mark. The bamboo proudly snorted:
“My name is Kuáng Biāo. Just call me Uncle Biao.”
Huai Yu couldn’t believe her ears: “Kuáng Biāo?” (Wild Surge?) What kind of “wild surge”? Where is it wild? What’s surging?
But she didn’t dare question it. She could only flatter him:
“Great name! Super powerful-sounding!”
“Damn right!” the bamboo—Kuáng Biāo—shook his leaves proudly:
“You ever heard the poem ‘After my bloom, all flowers perish’? That’s about me. We bamboo of the grass family take root, and with enough time, we leave nothing growing for miles!”
“We’re born with this kind of dominant energy. Can’t help it!”
“You haven’t read much, but at least you’ve got good taste… you want some bamboo shoots, don’t you?”
“Go ahead. They won’t kill you. Just a tiny bit of cyanide in there.”
Huai Yu had never been this speechless—not in a whole month!
Cyanide, huh…
But she proudly replied:
“I’ll boil them first!”
Our ancestors’ blanching skills are literally in our DNA—lots of wild veggies are medicinal and need to be boiled anyway.
She may forget other things, but she’d never forget how to blanch food. When it came to eating, she was confident.
After all, there really were a lot of bamboo shoots scattered around.
This time, Kuáng Biāo went quiet.
After a while, he clicked his tongue and muttered, slowly and with a trace of regret:
“You humans, seriously… If something’s poisonous, can’t you just not eat it…”
