Chapter 99: [Beauty Above All] I’m Really Kind
[October 16, 2015.
Thursday.
Cloudy.
I saw the girl who was pursuing him walking with him today. So she’s also in this school.
She’s beautiful again, tall and thin.
I’ve been trying very hard to lose weight. I haven’t eaten dinner for a week, only drank water, and I actually gained three jin.
The boy in front of me always laughs at me for being as dark as coal. His deskmate told him not to always laugh at me, what if he has such a dark-skinned daughter in the future?
I hate them so much!!
They are clearly just as dark themselves!!
When I got home today, my mom said to me, look at your face, it’s all greasy. Can’t you wash your face properly?
I’m so sad. I washed my face seriously. I don’t know why it gets oily. It’s not that I’m dirty, I’m really not dirty!!
Looking at myself in the mirror today, I’m really ugly. How can someone be so unsightly? I originally wanted to take a knife and scratch my face so I wouldn’t have to look anymore, but I didn’t have the courage…
If, if I could become good-looking, would he look at me more?]
[December 31, 2015.
Thursday.
Cloudy.
Why?
Mom always tells me that I’m already 116 jin. I have to lose weight, I have to control my weight. Otherwise, I’ll regret it in the future.
Dad always says what’s there to lose weight for, she’s not fat at all. I’ve always felt that Dad loves me very much.
But yesterday when I was soaking my feet, he saw me and then called my mom over with a hearty laugh, saying, why are your daughter’s ankles so thick?
My mom said, that’s why I told her to lose weight.
They walked away while talking. I was there alone, looking down at the water.
I don’t want to be this fat either. I’ve tried very hard to lose weight, but my weight keeps increasing.
The most outrageous thing was today, in front of so many relatives, I put my hand on the armrest of the sofa, and my dad suddenly pinched the flesh on the back of my hand and lifted my hand up.
He said, look at this flesh!
Everyone was laughing.
What’s so funny?
If only I could cut off all this extra flesh with a knife!!
I want to become beautiful, I want to become thin, I want to become fair-skinned! I don’t want this ghostly appearance anymore!!]
Bai Cha pursed her lips.
It seemed that this diary should be related to the origin of this world.
This distorted world with excessive aesthetic judgment must have a source.
Maybe it was the owner of the diary, but was this diary directly in her hands? Did every player have one?
If so… could it be Li Qianyao?
A person who never appeared in reality. But everyone considered her a goddess.
She possessed the love and attention of the entire world.
So far in this instance, these clues were too obvious.
Bai Cha flipped through a few more pages.
[June 9, 2016.
Thursday.
Cloudy.
The college entrance exam is over, and I’ve been lying here all day.
I definitely failed the college entrance exam because I was malnourished. I finally lost weight, but my college entrance exam was ruined too.
He must have done well on the exam. He was always in the top 20 of the school.
I’m not worthy of him anymore.
Maybe I should die.
Yes, what’s the point of living? Someone like me shouldn’t waste air. Someone like me should have died long ago. I shouldn’t have been born!!]
[July 21, 2017.
Thursday.
Cloudy.
I cut my wrists again today.
It hurt so much. I don’t think I cut deep enough. I don’t have the courage to cut again. Each time I cut shallower than the last. I should try a different way to die.
I’ve also thought about living, but I’ve really had enough.
I don’t know who posted my high school photos online. A group of people laughed at me.
When I went out, a child of about ten bumped into me. His grandma scolded him and told him to apologize to the auntie.
But I’m only 19.]
[March 29, 2018.
Thursday.
Cloudy.
I went to his school, and he treated me to a meal.
He was still so gentle and sunny, treating everyone equally.
I specifically wore my red coat, and I even put on some foundation, hoping it would make me look a bit fairer.
Anyway, everything was fine.
I just didn’t know why I wanted to have diarrhea. Maybe I was too nervous.
We ran into his roommates on the way.
His roommates looked at me with very surprised eyes and then teased him.
“Who’s this?”
He said, “My high school classmate.”
His roommate laughed and said, “Then she must really… like you?”
He was a bit embarrassed and said, “We’ll go first.”
As the two of us left, I still heard his two roommates behind him laughing and saying, “Damn, that girl’s face looks like a ghost with all that makeup, and she’s so ugly.”
“Can you keep it down? She hasn’t left yet.”
My stomach seemed to hurt even more.
I made an excuse to him that I wanted to go to the restroom.
But I hadn’t brought any paper.
At that moment, I only felt that maybe I really should die.
I didn’t know why, but I was surprisingly calm.
I couldn’t make him keep waiting for me, so I had to endure the disgust and find some relatively clean paper from the nearby trash can to wipe myself.
I felt like I was getting more and more disgusting, like a piece of trash.
I left, and he still smiled and saw me off, even saying to me, I saw on your social media that you dislike the junior college you’re attending, so work hard and transfer to a university.
I went back and cried for a long, long time.
He’s so good, and I’m so disgusting, so disgusting, so disgusting——]
The last few words were almost forceful enough to tear through the paper.
Flipping to the next page, it was the last one.
[April 2, 2018.
Monday.
Sunny turning cloudy.
I took the medicine.
I should die soon.
I have never felt so relaxed.
I don’t have to look at this damn face of mine anymore.
But… why?
Why?!
Is it my fault for being ugly? Is it my fault for having dark skin?
Why was I born to be ridiculed? Why was I born to be pointed at?
I also really want to be liked!!
Why am I the only one who isn’t? Why is it so unfair?
You! All! Go! Die!]
The last line seemed to be stained with blood.
[Ding——Congratulations on discovering an important clue. Be careful when you see the last page of the diary——]
Bai Cha pondered for two seconds and opened her phone.
The players who came to this game had created a group chat, she didn’t know who.
Bai Cha directly took a picture of the last page of the diary and sent it to the group.
[Bai Cha]: “Hello everyone, I found this diary under my wardrobe. But this isn’t my persona’s. It might be an important clue. See if you guys have it. If not, I’ll take pictures of each page for you.”
She was so kind, sharing clues with everyone!
Messages quickly appeared in the group.
[Zheng Yue]: “Wow, I received a prompt, it really is an important clue. I’ll look for it now.”
[Liu Shuaicai]: [Image]
[Liu Shuaicai]: “I found it too, just started reading.”
[Bai Cha]: Good.
[Bai Cha]: “It’s okay if you didn’t find it, I’ll send it to you.”
[Is the streamer this kind?]
Bai Cha raised her eyes.
How could she be? She just didn’t want to be targeted alone.
There were twenty-six people. Of course, they should share the difficulties together.
And… this didn’t look like a clue only she had. Because it had nothing to do with her. The ages didn’t match. When this girl was 6, she was only 2. It wasn’t her turn to bully anyone. Even if she skipped two grades here, she still couldn’t reach that age.
It was better to share it and create a friendly persona.
But she didn’t say it. She just gave a gentle smile to the comment section.
