Chapter 242: [My Mother] Self-Blame and Agony
Upon arriving at the hospital, Mother Han restored her human appearance, and the world returned to normal as well.
Yet she remained entirely oblivious to it all.
Holding the blood-soaked Bai Cha in her arms, she charged straight into the hospital.
“Doctor! Where’s the doctor?! Hurry, someone save my child!”
The triage nurse at the front desk rushed out instantly, thoroughly startled upon catching sight of Bai Cha’s face covered in blood.
“Quick! Emergency care!”
“Ma’am, try not to panic first—tell us what’s going on with the child. Does she have any previous medical history?”
Mother Han’s body trembled, her face drenched in tear tracks, her complexion deathly pale.
“Save her… please, I beg you, you have to save her…”
“Rest assured, we are going to treat her right now. First tell us if the child has a medical history and what brought about her current state so we can deliver proper emergency care!”
The nurse spoke with urgent yet patient insistence.
“She… she seems to have leukemia…”
Hearing this, the attending doctor who rushed over hurried the nurses along, initiating emergency treatment on Bai Cha.
After a massive ordeal, Bai Cha was wheeled into a ward room.
Her bleeding had been brought under control, and the results for all her physical examinations had come out in full.
Mother Han looked at the doctor with a face full of anxiety.
“How is my Ying-ying?”
“It’s like this—the child’s situation is somewhat unoptimistic, though observing her vital signs, she seems relatively stable for now. So we’d like to understand the specifics first: when did this nosebleed and vomiting of blood begin?”
Mother Han shook her head.
“She didn’t have this before at all… just today… I brought her straight to the hospital right after.”
“Then how did you learn the child has leukemia? What symptoms were present when you discovered it?”
“The child ran a fever, so I brought her to the town hospital for a checkup. The complete blood count showed anomalies, suggesting it might be leukemia, though they couldn’t rule out a misdiagnosis… so I… I brought her home first…”
Mother Han pounded her chest with a trace of agony.
“And then after returning home, she…”
Hearing this, the doctor knitted his brows, sensing a rather tricky situation.
“By rights, even for acute leukemia, it shouldn’t progress this rapidly… How high was her fever at the time, and how long had she been burning?”
“It was only 37°C at the time. She just started running a fever this noon.”
“Did the child sustain injuries previously? Have you observed her healing progress after getting hurt?”
Mother Han shook her head.
“She rarely gets hurt, and even if she did…” She paused briefly, her expression turning agonized and strange.
Was it because of those portions of power I transfused into her? I only wanted her to get better faster…
“What did you say?” The doctor hadn’t heard her words clearly.
Or rather, inside this instance, these doctors wouldn’t hear such statements to begin with.
Looking at Bai Cha lying on the hospital bed with a pale face, Mother Han sank completely into the agony of self-blame. Stepping forward, she knelt halfway beside the bed, extending a hand to touch Bai Cha’s forehead with extreme caution.
Hooked up to oxygen right now, Bai Cha felt miserable all over.
Frailty and formidable power coexisted within her body simultaneously, tormenting her to a degree that felt almost unbearable.
Observing this situation, the doctor called out to Mother Han a few more times, ultimately letting out a soft sigh.
“Family member, we are going to confer regarding the child’s condition now and perform further detailed tests afterward to see if other underlying triggers are involved.”
“I hope you can cooperate when the time comes. Try not to be overly grief-stricken either—the child’s illness is by no means beyond hope. If you collapse, what will become of the child?”
These words seemed to strike a chord within Mother Han.
Her body trembled subtly, a resolute glint resurfacing in her eyes.
“Right… I cannot let Ying-ying lose me as well. Then Doctor, please proceed with the tests. You must cure my Ying-ying.”
Yet the results of the new tests yielded zero difference from the previous round.
After conferring among themselves, the city hospital doctors determined that Bai Cha’s condition remained relatively stable for the time being, prompting them to summon Mother Han.
“It’s like this: the child’s condition may require a bone marrow transplant. However, because your child’s progression is excessively rapid—so rapid that we cannot determine if other underlying issues are present, yet screening fails to uncover them…”
“Our suggestion on this end is for you to head to the provincial capital for another round of examinations. Conditions are better over there, and the child’s condition is fairly stable, meaning she should be fine in the short term.”
Mother Han nodded in a daze.
“What if… what if they can’t find anything over there either?”
The doctors exchanged silent glances with one another.
“Ms. Han, it may sound cruel to put it this way, but there are indeed many illnesses in this world that medical science has yet to overcome. Based on the child’s current condition, we can only state that it is highly likely acute leukemia. If you wish to achieve a complete cure, finding a matching bone marrow might do the trick, though risks naturally exist as well…”
“At any rate, we hope you can prepare yourself emotionally in advance.”
“I can’t prepare myself!” Mother Han shouted, her emotions spiraling out of control.
“How could I lose my Ying-ying?! She is flesh of my flesh, born of my own body! If I can’t even take proper care of my daughter, what meaning is there left to my existence?!”
“Calm down, please. Since the child’s condition has reached this point, you still need to take good care of her. Things haven’t reached the absolute end yet, so there’s no need to be so anxious. Let’s arrange for the child to undergo tests first, alright?”
Mother Han closed her eyes in sheer despair.
Yet she agreed to the hospital transfer regardless.
Coordinated with the hospital’s assistance, Bai Cha was transported nearly overnight to the provincial center hospital in the provincial capital.
Following that came another round of new examinations.
Throughout this process, Bai Cha had already fallen into a deep slumber due to extreme physical frailty.
However, the results of the tests yielded no major differences, bearing merely minor numerical variations attributable to differences in medical equipment.
“Your daughter indeed has acute leukemia, yet her condition remains relatively stable, which can be considered a blessing amid misfortune. Perhaps searching for a bone marrow match will offer a chance at a complete cure.”
“Can my bone marrow be given to her?”
“You may come in to run a test.”
The doctor dared not offer guarantees either.
Quite often, even for parents or siblings, bone marrow failed to yield a proper match.
Full of hopeful anticipation, Mother Han completed her tests and awaited the results.
She returned to the ward room.
Bai Cha had already awakened.
Pain was something that—once adapted to—remained tolerable enough.
“Mom…”
Bai Cha’s voice sounded raspy, faint and weak like that of a newborn kitten.
Her entire form appeared fragile enough to pass away in the very next instant.
Mother Han looked at her with deep, agonizing heartache.
“Mom failed you… it’s all Mom’s fault, all Mom’s fault for not taking good care of you…”
The more she spoke, the more frantic her emotions grew, breaking down into uncontrollable sobs as she covered her face and wept bitterly.
Bai Cha looked at her with a gentle, sorrowful pity.
“Mom, how am I supposed to answer you?”
She displayed a degree of maturity that felt distinctly out of place for her age.
No matter—she trusted that Mother Han at this moment wouldn’t pay mind to such details.
Mother Han raised her head in helpless confusion.
“What did you say?”
“I asked: should I say I blame you, or should I say I don’t blame you? If I say I blame you, will it make you feel better? If I say I don’t blame you, can you be a little happier?”
With a sudden roar of static, Mother Han’s mind went completely blank, her heart throbbing with agony so intense it nearly suffocated her at this very moment.
